Chapter 140(1 / 2)

作者有话要说:3月9日:

★存稿箱君曰:

【正文ENDING倒计时】:一

昨天预告了今天会双更,所以下午三点放出正文部分的ENDING。。。

另外,感谢未息烛火小天使的地雷~~

【前方继续高能预警】

正文最后的三章,采用的配乐都是"I Tried"。这是我差不多一开始写大纲的时候就想好的~~

歌词如下:

Maybe I could have loved you better

Maybe we only needed time

We couldn't make it last forever

But I tried, I tried

Maybe I gave my heart too easy

Maybe your heart was never mine

I did my best to make you happy

Yes, I tried

You know I tried

Who knows where the love goes

When the love's gone

You just hold on

And you hold it all inside, yeah

I tried to give you love

It was not enough

It was not enough to keep you satisfied

Maybe I couldn't make you love me

But I tried

You know I tried

I tried to just give you love

It was not enough

It was not enough to keep you satisfied

I couldn't keep you in my life

And so I'll have to let you go now

Guess now I got to say good-bye

I'll learn to live my life without you

I don't know how

But I'll try

Yes, I'll try

Oh, guess we couldn't make it, baby

After all this time we just couldn't get it right

But I tried

Yes, I tried

我距离他最近的时候,就是在瓦特阿尔海姆那一次,他死而复生,然后对我提出了实际上类似于“从此背叛神域和信仰,只听从我一个人”这样的要求;然后我终于下定了决心,把额头顶在他肩胛的位置,嘴唇贴近他的心口,说:【我请求你不要放弃我。】

然而那个时候,我所贴近的,也仅仅只是一个幻影而已。我从未真正靠近过他,他只是站在离我最近又最远的一个地方,站在群星之上,展示给我看一个他虚构出来的幻影,让我误以为我只要一直向着那个方向走过去,总有一天会抵达他心底那个真正的终点。

可是我不知道,我曾经做错过的那些选择,说错过的言语,我无法选择的自己的出身、自己的种族,每一样都烙印在他心上;像一道道深刻的烙痕,时而刺痛,像种提醒,让他无法原谅,无法漠视,无法宽容。

可是我不知道,他所有的温和与忍耐,只要展现在我面前,就全部都是假象。即使我以为我能够接近他,即使接近到一步之遥,也还是不够近。我们之间的距离,就像万丈深渊,不可跨越;一脚踏空,便永无生理。

我深深地吸了一口气,然后暂时屏息,直到感觉无比憋闷,才又慢慢地呼出来。

胸口应该是已经空了,就连刚刚听到他那些话时一瞬间涌起的愤怒、悲伤和不甘,都已经消失了。那里现在只留有一个大洞,风一吹就穿透了我的身体。

……假使我还对你存有那么一点长久以来深刻的爱慕的话,那么就让我……最后给予你一点沉痛的尊重,尊重你那乖张的、冷酷的、令人痛恨的,恨得咬牙切齿的最终选择吧。

我面无表情地点了点头,回答道:“假如这就是你的愿望……那么我深深地相信,它必定有一天会实现的。”

然后我再也没有看他一眼,微微向他颔首为礼,低声说道:“假如你还需要这个幻境,我会让它一直留在这里。不过现在,我猜是我告退的时候了。”

我想我这么说,就已经等同于告别。说完之后,我忍不住又看了他最后一眼。

我的视线落到他的脸上,仅仅停留了短短一瞬间。但是在这一瞬间里,我却看到他脸上露出了一种很奇怪的表情。

在这种我们都心知肚明的最后的时刻,他却突然紧盯着我,张了张嘴,似乎还打算对我说些什么似的;但是最后,他似乎把那些话都忍了回去,面容重新恢复了有如一片死寂般的平静,只有突然显得格外线条深刻的眉眼,似乎流露出一丝悲哀和落寞的意味。但是我听到他依旧淡淡的声音,语调里含着微微一丝索然无味的厌倦和深重的疲惫。

“……No.”

我也不再去费心猜度他这个“No”到底是不用我再把幻境留在这里,好让他露出自己的本来面目透透气,还是不用我现在就告退的意思。

但总之,我现在自动地选择了前一种解释。

我一挥手,那层笼罩在我们周围的透明的薄雾袅袅而散,在空中逐渐汇成一束,收回了我的掌心里。

我很想再问他一句,问他究竟有没有那么一个短暂的瞬间,他曾经真诚地喜欢过我,就如同我从相遇的开始一直到现在,对他所怀抱着的那种真挚的感情一样。

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