论称呼(1 / 2)

但凡,她上辈子学哲学的闺蜜李三缺与她同在,她一定可以秒杀福尔摩斯先生。

闺蜜李三缺其人,神一般的逻辑勉强可与福尔摩斯先生打个平手,但是,如果再加上路德维希神一般的无理取闹……

则天下无敌。

……不,都不用李三缺本人在场,但凡李三缺养的短毛猫维特根斯坦在,喵喵两下,也妥妥可以完胜了好吗?

不要小看哲学家的猫,它们都是神的预备役。

深深扼腕伦敦不是自己的主场,路德维希开启无理取闹模式:

“当然不一样,你看它们尖头的锋利程度和取食的方法就知道了。”

路德维希小小地做了一个“小蜜蜂飞呀飞呀”的动作:

“筷子早已和茹毛饮血的时代分离开来,可叉子至今还深陷在一百七十万年前的元谋时代,高下立现。”

夏洛克因路德维希的幼稚举动,沉默了一秒:

“……一百七十万年前没有叉子,元谋人还算是半猴类。”

说完,他犹豫了一下,还是决定告诉路德维希残酷的真相:

“还有,这个动作太幼稚了,你完全不适合扮可爱——效果就像一头猛犸象跑进了博物馆。”

路德维希:“……”

福尔摩斯先生,我看见您的死亡旗帜已经立起来了。

我会深深记住您的。

“……说到幼稚,你还是保持沉默吧,你在这一方面没有发言权。”

夏洛克刚想开口反驳一下路德维希混乱的逻辑,就被她无情无义地打断了:

“福尔摩斯先生?”

夏洛克看着笑容诡异的路德维希,面无表情,没有说是,也没有反驳。

路德维希就差仰天大笑三声:

“你不会是……不会用筷子吧?”

“……”

夏洛克的神情,瞬间从一般般的高贵冷艳,升级为高贵冷艳max:

“当叉子可以满足需求时,我为什么要在没有必要的事情上花时间?”

路德维希望着夏洛克但笑不语,半晌才悠悠地说:

“这隔壁有一家便利店吧?”

夏洛克顿时有种不好的预感:“你想干什么?”

正在默默仰天大笑的路德维希,一只手“啪”地拍在了年轻帅气总经理的肩膀上:

“Waiter~麻烦帮我到沃尔玛买两双筷子来THX~”

被尊贵的福尔摩斯先生带来的尊贵女眷拍了肩膀,年轻帅气总经理表示诚惶诚恐。

即使被福尔摩斯先生的女朋友当成服务生,这也是他身为总经理的荣耀!

只是……为什么觉得福尔摩斯先生看他的目光更冷了……

……

“福尔摩斯先生,你就试试看啦~”

短促而坚定的——“No.”

“试试看试试看~”

忍耐而纠结的——“No.”

“你今天如果不满足我的好奇心,后果会很严重。”

夏洛克一副“我不在乎”的表情。

“你口里最严重的后果,也就是把我的咖啡换成牛奶了。”

路德维希差点抓狂——温柔小意反而嫌弃,福尔摩斯先生一定是m体质!

“……既然你诚心诚意地请求了,我就大发慈悲地升级一下后果的严重程度。”

路德维希毫无章法地摇晃着红酒杯:

“我会把吃饭时间延长到三个小时以上,一条一条纤维地吃牛肉,一滴一滴水地喝鱼汤……你今天要么一个人去破案,要么就别想去破案了。”

夏洛克:“……”

再次被路德维希的无情无耻无理取闹打败,夏洛克被迫拿起筷子,以极度标准的手法。

随即“不巧”地手一松,筷子啪嗒一声落在地上。

他毫无诚意地用餐巾擦擦手:“手滑。”

路德维希精神抖擞:“没事,这一袋子里有二十双呢。”

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